First of all, I sure hope the seating arrangement was a one-time gimmick; it spoiled most of the fun of the thing. Beyond that, and leaving aside whatever policy stuff was in there and just thinking of a critique of the language employed, all I can come up with would be:
Top Ten Reasons For The "Quality" Of Tonight's State of the Union Speech
10. Part of complex, sneaky plan to lower expectations for 2012 debates, convention speech.
9. WH planns to write speech over weekend thwarted by Oxygen Channel's "Buffy" Marathon (and can you blame them?).
8. Once speechwriters realized it was going to be the same day as the Oscar nomination, they knew no one would be listening anyway.
7. Actually, an academic team convinced CoS Daley to substitute cheezy, soporific speech for normal speech as part of a study of partisan responses to innocuous rhetoric.
6. Gotcha! Obama, like Jimmy James, celebrates April Fool's Day on randomly selected day to catch people totally unaware. Also, Anna Eshoo and Ben Quayle both got slimed when president asked them trick question designed to elicit "I don't know."
5. Weird. Mirror universe Obama SOTU totally awesome, leads to solutions within six years for climate change, cancer, and budget problems. Also puts American on Mars in ten years, which begins a chain of events in which earth is conquered by Romulans.
4. White House read Gallup table in Ezra Klein's blog, rationally decided to blow off SOTU to prepare for elaborate staff Super Bowl pool.
3. You know when Jeannie had a cold and blinked wrong and Major Nelson's moon trip got all screwy? It was something like that.
2. Incredibly advanced scientific methodology discovered key swing, tipping point voter for 2012 is this one woman in Cincinnati, who really, really, loves bland crap like that. And of course has a thing for salmon jokes.
1. Every good line in every Democratic President's SOTU from 1961 through last year? All written by Ted Sorensen.